Looking for My Brother
Even before his death from cancer in June 2008, I had started looking around for backups. Everyone was fair game, anyone who could cast a similar eye on the passing scene, who would look over as if to say, “Did you see that?”, who could make me laugh with an arched eyebrow or make me look at the other side of things quickly and deeply.
After two years, it’s dawned on me that I’m really seeking a sense that everything is OK, everything will be well, that there are always new people to meet and connect with, to laugh and cry with. I have met them in spades since that year that he was dying. Perhaps my other brothers were always there, but I hadn’t needed to see them. Their strong shoulders, gentle humor, teasing reproaches.
You never stop missing a loved one who has died. But if you’re very lucky, others help you with the burden. Others help you see that the empty places don’t go on forever.
