Three Steps to Success
Everyone defines success differently, and everyone will get there in his or her own way. How do you define success for yourself? Is it a matter of dollars and cents? Or does it mean some combination of time, money, relationships, and the ability to do work that makes you feel useful and valuable?
Here’s one path that has proved successful for me in several different contexts:
1. Observe
When you enter a new situation, whether it’s a social occasion, a job, an online discussion group, or something else, what do you see? Observe the people around you, the ways they do and don’t interact.
How do you feel here? If you’re uncomfortable, is your reaction based on simple fear, or on a sense that the enterprise you’re joining may prove more difficult than you already know how to handle? If the latter, is this a direction in which you want to stretch and grow?
If so, don’t give up on yourself so easily. Stick around and let that stretching happen.
2. Connect
Once you’ve observed, it’s time to connect the dots. What conversations are taking place? Which ones are not interesting for you? Move toward the ones that draw you.
If there are people whose voices and opinions you listen for, move toward them. If the occasion arises, introduce yourself.
Don’t be upset if people don’t respond warmly to you right away. Some will respond like a puppy in springtime, others like a walrus protecting its rock in the surf. You can learn a lot from either type of person, even if the other’s style is the opposite of yours.
Any new relationship takes time.
3. Share
You have something to share, just like everyone else in the group. Perhaps it’s a question that you need answered, some piece of knowledge that you see the others don’t have, or a service that you can provide.
If you stick around and observe, you’ll find a need that you can help fill. Trust that if you find others in the group interesting, someone may find your contribution interesting as well.
Think of your participation as a long-term effort, a way to move closer to the things about this group or gathering that drew you in the first place.
Parting Thoughts
There’s no one way to be successful, but if you know what you’re looking for, this may be a path to finding it. Success is within your reach.
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